Whispers

Okay, so I have a solid draft of my villanelle done!

Whispers

Moonlight through my window,

beautiful but weird

I wish for you to show.

Choked in shadows

frantic, I adhere

to moonlight through my window.

Eyes closed, but still they know

how to whisper in my ear

I wish for you to show.

Monsters stomp in rage below

coming closer, coming near

'til moonlight through my window.

Sink, oh I sink so low

don't you feel them, don't you hear?

I wish for you to show.

A gift that is bestowed

to save me from my fears.

Moonlight through my window,

I wish for you to show.

Okay, so if you noticed, I changed my quatrain quite a bit. My mom, who is also experimenting with the villanelle format, was helping me edit this and she said two things:

1) "to lighten (which I actually changed to brighten at one point) up my fears" was corny

2) "To thee I bid to glow" was too "Shakespearian", which I agree to. No matter how much fun it may be to talk in Shakespearian, we unfortunately do not live in that era.

My previous edits included:

1) Third tercet used to be:

Goddess of security, friend not foe

a warm blanket, teddy bear

to thee I bid to glow.

Okay, so every one of those lines was incredibly tacky!

2) Fourth tercet, first line used to be:

Evils stomp and winds blow

I didn't like the way that sounded on my tongue.

3) Fifth tercet, first line used to be:

Huddle closer...

AND THEN

Shrink, oh I shrink so low

None of those sounded right either.

Two keys points I have would be to:

1) READ YOUR VILLANELLE OUT LOUD. IT HELPS WITH THE METER, THE RHYMES, EVERYTHING.

2) REWRITE, REWRITE, REWRITE! BUT NEVER SCRIBBLE OUT BEFORE YOU COMPLETE YOUR THOUGHT. WRITE IT ALL DOWN FIRST, THEN GO BACK AND EDIT.

Hope some of you have the time to try it! I know I'm sounding like a complete literature geek, but it's actually kinda fun!

Yours,

Megan ;)

(Beware of the Blondes and Cast of Characters is updated.)